What Will You Find in Your Golf Bag
Many of us will soon be digging our golf clubs out of hibernation in readiness for the arrival of spring.
And before heading to the golf course they will probably have a good forage in their golf bag. What will they find? It is actually a good question for all of us. I know that I tend to stick all sorts of rubbish into the various compartments.
Here is just some of the material I have come across.
Very few of us clean our clubs before tucking them away for a period of time. And even those of us who play all year round tend to put this off. So you haul the bag out of the storage cupboard, garden shed, car boot (delete where applicable) and the chances are that your irons will still be filthy from the last time you used them. Grooves? What grooves?
And it is not just your clubs. Your golf shoes, the ones that were white when you bought them, will no doubt be a strange shade of brown and the soles will also be caked in dried mud.
So first things first. Before going anywhere near the golf course, get some warm soapy water sorted out and get those irons clean and get every last bit of dirt and grime out of the grooves. As far as your shoes are concerned, it might be time to think about replacing them.
Almost every golfer I know will find discarded energy bars somewhere in their golf bag. Just pray that when you put your clubs away in October that you didn’t leave an apple or an orange in there. This is something I have been guilty of in the past - and it is not a pretty sight.
The last time you played, the sky was blue, the weather was warm and as you walked off the fifth green you removed your cashmere jumper and put it in your bag. You didn’t mean to leave it there. In fact, you fully intended to remove it the moment you got home. But of course it slipped your mind. I have a tip - if this was a jersey that your other half bought for you then it might be an idea to attempt to wash and iron it yourself. I also have another tip - follow the washing instructions carefully. If you don’t, you will end up with an item of clothing that your five-year-son will be able to wear.
Why do golfers keep old scorecards? No, really I am asking you because I don’t have the foggiest idea. I recently discovered seven cards in my bag. It was obvious why a couple of them had been discarded - having started the round promisingly, a double bogey followed by a triple meant that I lost all interest in keeping my score. So why didn’t I simply throw the thing away? More puzzling is the retention of completely blank scorecards. Why? And in some cases I couldn’t even remember having been to the courses for which the cards applied. What is that all about?
Eight! During my big bag clear-out in 2022, I found EIGHT stroke savers. Again, I don’t have the foggiest idea a) why I kept them, or b) why I bought them in the first place. Because I never once referred to any of them at the courses to which they related.
There is NOTHING, and I mean nothing, worse than going into your bag and suddenly remembering that the last time you put your waterproofs in your bag they were still soaking wet. Crumpled, mouldy waterproofs are not a pretty sight. Trust me, I know.
Why is it that just about every golfer I have ever come across has about 12 ball markers and half a dozen pitchmark repairers in their bag, most of which they have never actually used. In the real world, we use the same coin or the same marker every time we play. And you only have to look at the state of your greens to know that the vast majority of club golfers would not know one end of a pitchmark repairer from the other.
How many golf tees does a person need? And how many broken tees does any human being need? I am consistently horrified when I realise how many tees are in my bag. Dozens of them. Hundreds of them. And yet I do not ever recall buying any. And don’t get me started on broken tees. Perhaps it is the Scot in me, but I just can’t help picking them and putting them in my bag. Just in case….in case of what I simply can’t tell you!
It would be fascinating to know how golf balls the average club golfer carries in his bag. It would be even more interesting to know how many of these golf balls he or she would never use. Again, is it just me? Surely not. There are the beaten up balls you find in the rough, pick up and put in your bag. Just in case. There it is again…just in case. There is the occasional ball that you have simply worn out but are reluctant to get rid of. After all, if you got four rounds of golf from the same ball then it must have been doing something right. And there are the shiny new Titleist Pro V1s that you cannot bring yourself to use because you know that if you do so, you will lose at breakneck speed.
Don’t get me started on golf gloves. I am actually pretty good on this front - I change my glove on a pretty regular basis. The only problem is that I simply cannot bring myself to throw away my old gloves. As a result I have an indeterminate number of old golf gloves in various compartments in my bag that I will never wear again. Oh yes, and one in the trouser pocket of the mouldy waterproofs I left in my bag. But at least I do insist on wearing a decent glove, unlike many of the people I play golf with.
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