The most frustrating things about other golfers

We all have people we love playing golf with. And more often than not we are able to pick and choose our playing partners.

However, there are times when specific competitions mean we have to play with strangers. For the most part, these are good experiences. After all, these are usually like-minded people.

I enjoy my golf. Of course there are times when it frustrates me but by and large I am able to put bad shots behind me and when I walk off the 18th green I can say that, no matter how well or poorly I have played, I have been able to enjoy the experience.

But there are times when your playing partners can frustrate the living daylights out of you. There are those with certain characteristics that will make you want to avoid them like the plague.

The Keegan Bradley

I am not a fan of slow play. I like to get on with things and actively support ready golf. The Keegan Bradley approach is not for me. I have never been able to understand why a world-class golfer, who knows exactly how far he hits every club, takes so long so decide which weapon he is going to pull from his bag. 

So right up there at the top of my list of frustrating playing partners is the man (it’s always a man) who takes dozens of practice swings and then stands over the ball and freezes. He has 1,000 swing thoughts going through his head. And, of course, his actual swing looks nothing like the one he practiced.

Time Traveller

You have THREE minutes to look for a ball. That is 180 seconds. If you go beyond that then you are breaking the rules. One of the most frustrating golfers to play with is the one who completely ignores this rule, time and time again. He is the same person who hits a ball into an impossible place and when you suggest he hits a provisional ball replies: "Nah, we’ll find that." And, of course, we don’t. So after spending 10 minutes looking for said ball he then has to trudge back to the tee and play again.

The Moaner

I recently wrote a separate piece focusing on what a bunch of moaners golfers are, no matter what level they play to. But the worst and most frustrating of the lot is the serial moaner. This is somebody who complains about missed putts, bad bounces, poor lies, overhanging branches, the quality of the greens, fairways, bunkers and rough. They then complain about the cost of their membership, the price of a pint in the bar. You name it, this person will moan about it.

The Cougher

Seve Ballesteros was the master of gamesmanship and in tight matchplay situations would often develop a cough at crucial times - usually when his opponent was standing over the ball. And "The Cougher" also exists at most golf clubs - and know they are doing it. Fortunately, the fact that we now live in a largely cashless society has seen the demise of "The Change Jangler". I used to play with somebody who would quite deliberately jangle the change in his pocket when I was addressing the ball. I knew it was coming but it still always put me off. I asked him several times to stop but he carried on, claiming he wasn’t aware he was doing it. Oh yes he was!

The Angry Man

We have all played with this one. I cannot understand why somebody would spend the thick end of £500 on a driver and then batter it into the ground after a poor shot. I will never fathom why somebody throws a golf club after a bad shot - all the more so when they toss it sideways and then have to go and pick it up before they can move on. And if golf really makes him so very angry and produces so many four-letter words why does he keep coming back for more?

The Cheesy Golfer

This is the person who, when you hit a poor shot, says something along the lines of: "Oh that was so unlucky." 

"You didn’t deserve that." Didn’t deserve it? I topped it into the lake.

"Oh, that was nearly a great drive." Nearly a great drive? I have just hooked it into the woods!

"Great putt." I have just hit a 15-foot putt six feet beyond the hole.

"Good par." It was a double-bogey six - and he knows it!

Mr Obvious

This is the golfer who, when you hit the ball into the trees, says: "That’s in the woods Derek." "That’s in the water Derek." "Three putts Derek?" "Triple bogey Derek?" "I knew you were going to slice that drive out of bounds."

I do not have a violent disposition but when I shake hands with this guy on the 18th and he says: "Well played Derek", when I have just had the worst round of my entire life is somebody I literally want to strangle.