How to start a year as captain of a golf club

For this week's View From The Fairway, Golfshake's Derek Clements takes you into the start of his tenure as Senior Captain at Dunston Hall Golf Club in Norfolk.

I have worked with some of the greatest names in sports journalism, including the late great Hugh McIlvanney, David Wash, who was the intrepid reporter who broke the Lance Armstrong scandal, and the recently-retired Stephen Jones, a giant among rugby writers.

I tell you this to set some context for what follows. 

These were all men who took huge pride in their work. If I ever found a mistake in McIlvanney’s work (which was extremely rare) he would be horrified. Walsh is a man who sweats blood over every word he writes, so much so that he struggles to file on deadline. And Jones had no fears or concerns about who he upset - while many of his rivals would sing the praises of a certain player or coach, if he didn’t agree he would say so. Suffice to say that Jones believes Marcus Smith is the most overrated player in rugby union, a view that is not universally shared.

While I was in awe of all of them, I dealt with them on equal terms. If I disagreed with something they had written then I would tell them. If I found a mistake I had no hesitation in correcting it. In the case of McIlvanney, he would always insist upon knowing. And after I had edited his copy I had to fax it to him so he could check that I hadn’t deleted any of his precious words. He once told me to put back a comma I had taken out, insisting that my action had changed the meaning of his sentence. We argued long and hard about that one but there was always only going to be one winner - and it wasn’t me.

In the end I classed them as friends as well as colleagues and I had huge respect for all of them. I well remember a conversation with Walsh when he was covering the Tour de France and told me that he was 100% certain that Armstrong was a cheat who could only achieve the times he was recording if he was doping. This was in 1999, the year the American won the first of his seven titles. And, as history now records, he was right, and spent years setting out to prove it. His quest is recorded in the movie The Program.

Taking all of that into account, will somebody please explain to me why I was trembling in my boots when I had to face a room full of friendly faces when I made my first captain’s address at our AGM last week? 

I was petrified. Knowing that I am taking over from somebody who has done such a wonderful job is bad enough and I lost sleep trying to get the tone right. I wrote my first draft and then rewrote it - and rewrote it again. Should I include any jokes? Would the assembled gathering laugh? Was this the time and place for humour?

My first attempt ran to almost five full pages. It was too long. I blame my years at The Sunday Times when we had to fill 32 broadsheet sports pages every week - trust me when I tell you that takes a lot of words. We would use 50 words when 10 would do. And many of our writers were simply too smart for their own good. When one of my sub-editors would ask what a specific word meant I would tell them that if they didn’t know without having to look it up then what chance did our readers have?

I was also conscious of the fact that this was a speech I would be delivering after the vast majority of those present had played 18 holes. We are talking about golfers of a certain age and I didn’t want them dozing off as I was delivering my killer lines. 

It meant that I had to go back to the drawing board and have another go and I finally got it down to two pages.

How did it go? The first thing to report is that the weather on Tuesday morning was horrible. Truly horrible. It rained and the wind was biting cold. 

Many of our senior section decided not to play. We even debated whether we should cancel the competition and simply have the AGM. The problem was that everybody had been told the meeting would start at 1.30pm and the course was open for play. We have never scrubbed a competition unless the course has been closed. And some people had made other arrangements and were arriving at Dunston Hall specifically for the AGM.

So a hardy few of us opted to go out and play. For some, it proved too much and they walked off. The rest of us battled the elements. By the time I staggered off the 18th green I could not feel my fingers.

Fortunately, we had an hour or so to thaw out before things got under way.

How did my speech go? Well, they laughed in all the right places. They listened intently when I told them about my plans for my Captain’s Charity Day and nobody choked when I announced the new initiatives I am planning for 2026, such as two mixed fixtures when we will be teeing it up alongside the ladies section. And my plans to turn Captain’s Day into an all-singing-all-dancing day out, complete with barbecue and an open invitation for partners to join us did not seem to faze anybody either.

When I was finished there was even a round of applause. I was pretty pleased with myself. Or at least I was until somebody sent me a video of my speech and I realised that I had made a major gaffe. Well, two gaffes, actually. I had specifically thanked the outgoing captain and singled out several committee members for the incredible work they do. But I had somehow forgotten to mention the outstanding work done by both our treasurer Andy McRobert and our incredible handicap secretary Ian Percival. I was utterly mortified.

Several people contacted me afterwards to congratulate me on my speech but all I could think about was those two glaring omissions.

Please rest assured that I do not intend to share every spit and cough of my year as captain with you but I am sure that events will happen that may find their way into my missives.