Cockney rhyming slang to use on the golf course

By: | Thu 15 Jun 2017

Ever been down the rub-a-dub-dub having a few pig’s ears and thought why no cockney rhyming slang used during a game of Craig Rolfe?

Translation: Have you ever been down the pub having a few beers and wondered why no cockney rhyming slang is used during a game of golf?

Well wonder no more; here at Golfshake we have come up with 20 cockney rhyming slangs you can use on the golf course.

Yes, you better Adam and Eve it.

He’s desperate dan-ed it 

Translation – He’s canned it

How many times have you heard people say in disbelief: “He’s canned it”? Well next time your mate holes a putt from across the green, you know exactly what to say.


Translation – To make a five (fiver) on a hole

Five is a pretty normal score on your average amateurs card wouldn’t you say? If you’re getting bored of repeating “five mate,” you can mix things up by saying you got a skydiver.

Meat and Veg

Translation – Wedge

This one is pretty self explanatory don’t you think?

Knock on the door

Translation – To make a four on a hole

This is arguably more a bingo term but nonetheless it has made it onto our list. Next time you make a four, give this a try.

Not the tuna (John West)

Translation -  Not the best

This one may take some explaining to your friends if you just say “Not the tuna”. But, we all know that famous tuna brand John West, so after briefly explaining, your mates will swimming in this new phrase…

It hasn’t got the Dolly Pegs

Translation – It hasn’t got the legs

Another pretty self explanatory one, but something different nonetheless.

Drum Roll

Translation – Hole

Again, a simple but effective cockney rhyme you can use on the course.

Is that a Cow and Calf

Translation – Is that a half?

This one could seriously cause your opponent some confusion in a matchplay situation, so why not give it a try? It may work to your advantage.

He’s dropped a Coat Hanger

Translation – He’s dropped a clanger

Maybe one to use with your mates, or when watching the professionals on tele. We wouldn’t advise saying this to your opponent during a match.

We’ve nearly reached the Near and Far

Translation – We’ve nearly reached the bar.

Ahh, the most important part of many amateur golfer’s round – reaching the 19th hole.

It had a Captain Cook

Translation – It had a look

This one will probably get used quite a lot. How many times do you miss putts that shave the hole? (Alternative coming up for shaving the hole).

That was Postman Pat

Translation – That was fat

Again, another that may be used more often than not.

That was a J.R

Translastion – That was a shank

Okay, this isn’t a direct rhyme but wait for the explanation. The initials stand for a man called J. Arthur Rank…get it now?

Chas and Daved the hole

Translation – It shaved the hole

As promised, here is your alternative to shaving the hole.

They’ve had a Costantino Rocca

Translation – They’ve had a shocker

Finally, a slang that related directly to golf. Unfortunately, I don’t think the Italian golfer will like the way his name is being used.

He’s in the Barney Rubble

Tranlsation – He’s in the trouble

Next time your friend knocks it into the trees or the long rough, why not try this rhyme?

That’s in the Ten Furlongs

Translation – That’s in the water

Again, not a direct rhyme but here’s your explanation. Ten furlongs is a mile and a quarter, which rhymes with water.

You’re going to need your Auntie Ella

Translation – You’re going to need your umbrella

This is a phrase that can be used quite frequently in the UK.

It’s Mork and Mindy today

Translation – It’s windy today

We’re sure this will be a favourite among links golfers.

It’s a bit George and Andy on the course today

Translation – It’s a bit warm on the course today

Now, we know what you’re thinking – “that makes no sense at all”. Well, actually, it does. George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley were the front men of pop group Wham! and therefore you are effectively saying “it’s a bit Wham!” Wham! sounds like warm and hence you’re basically saying “it’s a bit warm”.

Okay, maybe this is more a North East slang, but it has made our list for good measure.

What cockney rhyming slangs do you and your friends use on the course? Let us know in the comments below.

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