What Do You Keep in Your Golf Bag?
Article by Sports Writer Derek Clements
Essentially, golf bags are designed to hold 14 clubs, some golf balls, waterproofs and an umbrella. But what do you keep inside yours? I have just had a look at the contents of my bag and, quite frankly, I am horrified by what I discovered. Here’s what I found in mine and what I reckon many of you will have in yours too.
Alignment sticks. Why on earth do so many of us carry alignment sticks in our bags? You can’t use them on the course and most of us don’t even use them on the driving range
Golf balls - LOTS of golf balls. Even in your worst nightmares, you are never going to lose more than, say, six golf balls in a round, so can anybody explain why I found…wait for it…55 golf balls? Even worse, many of them were balls I would never use, have never used and should have thrown away. My excuse is that I am Scottish. We have a reputation, don’t you know?
Ball markers - SEVEN of them. Two of them with my name on that I never, ever use for fear of losing them, and five others I have no recollection of ever buying but probably found on the course
Pitchmark repairers. Like ball markers, these are objects that you tend to find lying around the course or pick up when you go to other courses, but let’s be honest - you only need one! And judging by the state of our greens, there are a lot of people who could make use of your spares
Lucky coins. Come on, admit it, we all have them. Except that they aren’t really lucky at all. Most of them are foreign coins that we have no use for and dump in our bags
Golf tees - long plastic ones, short plastic ones, long wooden ones, short wooden tees - and dozens of broken tees. Just in case!
Golf cap - if there is a golf cap stuck away inside your bag there is going to be a very good reason that you don’t wear it. Throw it away!
That jersey you have not been able to find for weeks. It is crumpled to destruction and, of course, it smells. Oh dear! Her Indoors is not going to be happy
That old pair of waterproof trousers you put in there when they were soaking wet and you had forgotten all about. Oh dear! Her Indoors is not going to be happy. Again!
Horrible sticky sweets you have completely forgotten about. At least they once were sticky sweets
Ancient scorecards, some of them filled in, some of them blank and some of them from courses you have no recollection of ever having played
Fluff - if anybody can explain how it is possible for fluff to enter a golf bag, I would be pleased to hear from you
Detrius of indeterminate origin - every golf bag in the land contains “stuff”, “bits” that you cannot explain
Receipts - yup, somehow there is a receipt for a meal for two at a restaurant in London
The wallet you thought you had lost. Why on earth didn’t you look in your golf bag in the first place?
An old mobile phone. Well, you got a shiny new one, so why bother to look for the old one?
Sunscreen. That would be all well and good until you check the use-by date, realise it has been in your bag for years and you have never, ever applied it. But it was there - just in case
Ball retriever. Ask yourself this question: when was the last time you actually used your ball retriever?
There is more - cigarette lighters, empty fag packets, loose change, chewing gum, the button that fell off your golf top, headache tablets, sweet wrappers, a hip flask (empty, of course) etc etc. Phew! And they say that women put too much stuff in their handbags!
Now I've given you an insight into my bag, let's hear what's in yours. Comment below and let us know.
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