Have you heard the one............

Fred gets home from his Sunday later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife ask's.

"Everything was fine", he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th".

"Oh that's awful!"

"Your not kidding, for the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry"

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asked him, What happened to you?

Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golfball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!

I don't remember much after that.

A lady begins her first shot of the day off the tee. Unfortunately it slices and before she can yell FORE! It hits a man about 150 yrds away.

The man throws his hands together, reaches in between his legs and drops! Feeling terrible about this, the lady runs to him and says, "Are you alright?" He just moans rolling back and forth on the ground with his hands at his crotch. She says, "Let me help you. I'm a masseuse and I'll massage that for you till the pain goes away!"

So she moves his hands and begins to massage his privates quite gently. He begins looking a bit better and she asks, "Does that feel good, are you alright?" To which the man replies, "Yeah that feels great! But my thumb is still killing me "

How about a few of these Modern Golfing Terms !!!

An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it
A Condom - safe but didn't feel  very good
A sister-in-law -I'm up there, but I know I shouldn't be
A Kate Moss - thinned it
A nipple licker - a shot that opens up the hole
A Diego Maradonna - nasty five footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rock Hudson- thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A ladyboy - Looks like an easy hole but all may not be what it seems
Putting like a gynaecologist's assistant - shaving the hole
A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water
A Marylin Monroe - a fair crack up the middle (aka "A Blondie"
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
A Bin Laden - driven out, never to be found again

Now I think Sally's ok.

 Now whos the african runner, Maria somebody. The one kelly holmes beat. She's an ugly runner