More golfing terms

• An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker
• An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
• A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect
• A Rodney King - over-clubbed
• An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it
• A Condom - safe but didn't feel real good
• A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be
• A Sally Gunnell - ugly but a good runner
• A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner
• A Kate Moss - a bit thin
• A Brazilian electrician - to take seven shots
• A Lance Armstrong - to lose a ball
• A Leslie Ash - would have been a nice birdie but was mucked up by the lip around the hole
• A George Bush - An uneasy lie
• A Jacques Chirac - One that changes direction suddenly
• A Saddam Hussein - Stuck awkwardly in a really small bunker
• Paris Hilton - An expensive hole
• Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
• Cuban - Needs one more revolution
• Elton John - A big bender that lips the rim
• Yasser Arafat - Ugly and in the sand
• Gerry Adams - Playing a provisional
• Glenn Miller - Kept low and didn't make it over the water
• Russell Grant - A fat iron
• Peter Mandelson - An unbelievable iron
• Princess Grace - Should have taken a driver
• Princess Di - Shouldn't have taken a driver
• Robin Cook - Died on the hill
• Michael Jackson - Gradually fading
• Douglas Bader - Good in the air, but didn't have the legs
• Arsene Wenger - Everyone saw where it went but you
• Ken Livingstone - Quite far left
• Jean-Marie Le Pen - A long way right
• Elephants Arse - High and shitty
Putting Terms
• A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
• A Diego Maradonna - A really nasty five footer
• A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
• A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A David Marshal - All the gear and no idea

kermit the frog - played like a muppet (or david marshall)

in the drink - ended in the pond (not the bar with santo)

mike tyson - nasty left hook

snow ball - hit high with a driver its got snow on it

zorro - starts left then slices right

indian country - deep rough

bandit - someone who scores more than 40pts at stablford (YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE)

a lazy b*****d - anyone who uses a trolly (hahaha)

ahhh i see you remeber playing at the belfry with me david

i couldnt hit a barn door from 2 ft

while whistling the them to gardening today - digging the ground up or hitting a really fat shot

playing catholic golf - a cross here and a cross there

a really lazy b*****d - anyone who uses an electric trolly

a completely lazy b*****d - anyone who uses a remote control trolley

a santo - anyone who uses a caddy and tries to call it a secret weapon

An Angelina Jolie...............Lips out

referring to last years NvS...

A Dambuster Perry - it don't need explaining