The best and worst golf club locker rooms

We have all been there! The golf club changing rooms that smell of damp and sweat.

You look around and there are ancient long-abandoned golf shoes and assorted items of clothing that should never have seen the light of day.

There is graffiti on the ancient seating.

You are directed towards the showers. There is slime on the floor. You press the button and, if you are lucky, you get 20 seconds of ice-cold water. No matter how many times you press that damn button the water doesn’t get any warmer.

There are no toiletries. Of course there aren’t.

There are no towels. Of course there aren’t. You have to bring your own!

There are no mirrors. There is no hairdryer. There is nowhere to hang up your clothes.

There are bits of scruffy and grubby paper stuck to the noticeboard, which is barely fixed to the wall.

There is no heating whatsoever. 

What used to be a carpet is now threadbare at best.

And how does all of this make you feel about the prospect of walking into the clubhouse and ordering food and/or drink?

However, it doesn't have to be this way, there are some locker rooms that offer so much, including at the brilliant Dundonald Links, which Golfshake has visited several times through the years.

This is what a golf locker room can be...

Here is a fantasy of what locker rooms CAN be (and sometimes are).

You turn up at the pro’s shop and he gives you a code to enter the changing room along with a key for your guest locker. He also informs you that when you have finished your round somebody will collect your clubs and your shoes and clean them for you.

You punch in the code. It works! First time! Every time!

The first thing that strikes you when you enter is the fresh smell. It oozes cleanliness. 

There is a proper carpet on the floor and the whole place is absolutely spotless.

There are plenty of seats and the key to your designated locker opens the door to a huge space that will happily store a change of clothing, shoes and the kitchen sink.

You change into your golf shoes and check your hair in the massive mirror and then head out to play.

Upon your return, sure enough, there is somebody waiting to take your clubs and your golf shoes. He tells you where you will be able to collect them.

You hit the entry code again. It works again. First time. Again.

You decide that you need a shower. There is a huge selection of white fluffy towels. You pick one up and head to the shower cubicle. Shock horror! There are taps and the water is hot! There is body wash and shampoo in the cubicle. Proper body wash and shampoo.

And when you stop out of the shower you are not f-f-f-f-f-f-f-reezing because there is heating! You dry yourself, put on your change of clothes and reach for the hairdryer, When you have finished drying your hair you reach for the deodorant and cologne that have been supplied.

You feel perfectly pampered. Then you walk outside. And that’s when you waken up and discover it has all been a dream!

But occasionally, an experience like that really does happen.