I have been playing this wonderful game for the best part of 60 years. There have been a few breaks during that time, some forced by injury, others by the demands of work.
By and large, it has been a lifetime love affair with what I still regard as being the finest sport on the planet.
You don't stick with something for that length of time unless it means something special to you. It is an addiction. Whether or not it is a healthy addiction is open to debate.
Looking back over the years, I've come to realise that golfers all have certain habits. Some are perfectly normal. Others suggest you've become just a little bit obsessed.
So how do you know when you are a golf addict?
2010 Ryder Cup
The 2010 Ryder Cup was staged at Celtic Manor. I had been offered press tickets and accommodation for the event, when Europe were captained by Colin Montgomerie. Imagine my horror when I realised that my ex-wife had booked a three-day coach trip to York that coincided exactly with that contest. I tried every trick in the book to get out of that trip but to no avail. So off we went to York with another couple. To my utter horror, I realised that the husband had no interest whatsoever in sport of any description. Nevertheless, I managed to drag them into just about every pub in York until we finally found one that was showing the golf. I wanted to watch the whole thing but, of course, that was a non-starter. It was a miserable trip, made all the worse by the fact that it rained from start to finish.
Holidays
You know you are a golf addict when your other half talks about booking a holiday in June or July and before you agree to anything you check the dates for the US Open and The Open Championship because all you want to do is to spend four days sitting in front of the TV watching every shot. Or you have the chance to attend The Open. Two weeks in the sun? Sorry, but that’s not happening.
Family Events
Oh dear! Your other half tells you that you are going to a family barbecue and you realise that it falls on the same day as the club championship. You then have some tricky negotiations. “You go ahead darling and I will join you later. I promise that I will be there by 2pm.” You know perfectly well that there is absolutely no chance that you will be there by 2pm but come to the conclusion that you will face the music on the day. You can always blame your playing partners for slow play or invent a fictitious traffic jam.
Memories
You know you are an addict when you can lie in bed at night and still recall every single shot of a round that you played umpteen years beforehand. I can still recall a round I played at Waldringfield Golf Club, when I stood on the 18th tee requiring a par to break par. I can remember the flight of the ball as it soared through the air at the par three, guarded by a pond, and gently landed on the putting surface some 12 feet from the hole. Mission accomplished. I can still remember standing on the same tee in the same position and the horror I felt when I dumped my tee shot in the water. I can vividly recall driving certain par fours, holing a putt for an eagle three. And I can just as vividly recall the horror shots that ruined an otherwise perfect day.
Temper Tantrums
You don’t lose your temper on the golf course unless you are an addict. And I have thrown some spectacular tantrums in my time. The worst was when I was 15 years old and was playing with my father at Kirkhill Golf Club on the outskirts of Glasgow. We were playing the first hole and I duffed my second shot and slammed my three wood against a tree, causing it terminal damage. My father ordered me off the course. I am delighted to inform you that those days have long gone.
Equipment
You know you are an addict when you simply must have the latest £500 driver. And you definitely know you are an addict if you own more than one putter - I currently possess three. When you change your clubs you don’t consider buying them “off the shelf”. Only custom-fitted clubs will do, regardless of the cost.
Alignment Sticks
If you have alignment sticks in your bag then trust me - you are an addict!
Gadgets
Does any sport offer its protagonists more gadgets, all promising to lower your score? If you possess more than one of these you are clearly addicted.
Golf Shoes
Do you possess summer and winter golf shoes? I do.
The Verdict
So, are you a golf addict?
If you've nodded along to more than a few of these, the chances are you probably are. And the truth is, there are far worse things to be addicted to. Golf frustrates us, empties our wallets, ruins the occasional weekend plan and can leave us wondering why we ever took it up in the first place.
But it also gives us unforgettable memories, lifelong friendships and that irresistible feeling that the next round might just be the one where everything finally clicks.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to see whether there's room in the cupboard for another putter...
