What would the World No. 4 and European No. 1 Lee Westwood be saying to the World No.1 ?

(Lee) Tell you what tiger I'm amazed at how good you've been keeping those affairs quiet!!!!! 

(Lee) I've heard that your balls will drop from your cheeks within 7-10 days, just don't let Elin get that close to you in future.

(Lee) Tiger is that pie your eating one of those "humble" pies?????

Lee - "Keep holding, keep holding, keep holding.  Honestly, this is the best cure for hiccups"

(Lee), So which other "Bush Tucker Trials" has Elin got you doing?

Maybe once the swelling goes down she will have you back.....

They've still not managed to remove that 4 iron then Tiger?

Well if they turn against you completely in the States, you could always move to Europe and play for us in the Ryder Cup - that would make Mickelson shut up!!!!

(Lee)

You want to be careful tiger trying to squeeze that fart out you could follow through!!

Tiger, did I hear right you've dumped Haney and your now working with Santorini???

OMG, David,  If that's true, we will never see Tiger again

 Tiger ,has Nike really changed their logo to "JUST DO HER"

No, David.

It's still.   Just do it.

And he did...So what's the problem?

Tiger is that right Susan Boyle has been given your Gillette contract???

Hey Tiger did you see that photo of Leyo & Millichip on Golfshake!!!!!

Hey tiger can u believe the south think they can retain the N Vs S trophy

Tiger have you ever done role play and used you di*k as a driver?

Tiger you was 8 shots under your handicap on your last round you  BANDIT!!!

Tiger "Jeez Lee what's in this sandwich you gave me,Its awful?" Lee  " Crab paste! Its  a northern delicacy of ours , my missus picked some up at Boots"

That was one hell of a lucky shot Tiger!!

LeeW: "Was your latest F**K that good??? Whats her name I'd like to have a bit of that!!!!"

Some great answers on here, tough to pick a winner but just for the one that made me actually laugh out loud, winner is

 Dave Ley (South Captain) with  Tiger ,has Nike really changed their logo to "JUST DO HER"

Well done Dave, you will shortly recieve a copy of 'Top 100 Golf courses in Britain and Ireland'